it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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