Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
