Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
