I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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