happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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