Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
