Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
