do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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