You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
