it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
