Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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