is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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