When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
