420 ftw
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
