His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
