in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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