I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
