My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
