Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
