There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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