he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize