I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
