there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
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Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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