I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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