The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
