dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
