im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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