Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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