Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
