What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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