He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
