A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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