The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
