Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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