Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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