You're earring is so big in my mouth
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
