some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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