I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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