If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
