Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
