I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize
