eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
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I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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