i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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