haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
