you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
