If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
