So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
