he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
