so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
