Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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