if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
