So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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