WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
