This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
