Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
