So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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