Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
