my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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