oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
