I am puke
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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