I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
