it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
