Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
