don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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