If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
handjob tips. give me some.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
