the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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