She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
