I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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