As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
