Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Randomize
