Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
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I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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