; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
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