he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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