when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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