the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
