I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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