Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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