it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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